The Car Whisperer: What Your Car is Telling Us about You

November 22, 2013
By: Chris Troy


Cars speaks volumes about who you are – and no, I’m not referring to that nerve wracking robotic voice coming from your GPS system. What you drive is a reflection of your character, of your social status, and of your values. Hell, even the color of the car you buy and whether or not it has 2-doors or 4-doors speaks volumes about who you are. So just what is your car saying about you?

These include the Toyota Prius and Civic Hybrid. If you’re driving one of these around, you are probably an environmentalist (hippie), responsible (drives slow in the fast lane) and sensible (your mama chose that for you, didn’t she?). If you’re looking to get laid quick, these are not the types of cars to try and use to make that happen.

Sports cars
Break out the Corvette’s and Mustangs. You want to break free from any sort of rules and restraints that you see are holding you back. You crave open roads and open spaces. You know how to enjoy yourself and you have style.  But if you abuse the cars power, you’re also a bit of an idiot (did you really not think that cop would catch you driving 150mph? REALLY?).

Luxury Cars
Think “Lexus” and “BMW”. These cars pretty much call you out as being a major douche bag. Yes, we get it, you have lots of cash that you decided to sink into a badly-built car because their marketing teams made you believe they are “the ultimate driving machine”.  Get real.  And no, these cars are not sports cars even though, once again, their branding tries to make you believe that.

Whether you are driving around a traditional SUV or a smaller, more feminine version, these cars peg you as wasteful (these are gas guzzling cars, and chances are you aren’t off roading) or adventurous (if you’re actually using your SUV for what it is intended to be used for).

Vintage Vehicles
I can’t really knock any vintage dudes, because these guys have probably invested years in this one car that they’re driving. They probably have invested tons of money in it too, but they wanted to restore a piece of history rather than blow it on some trendy bullshit that will be out of style in a year.

Economy Cars
These are the all mighty (ha!) Honda Civic and Chevrolet Cavalier-type cars.  These cars are reasonably priced (you’re cheap), a budget-conscious choice (you’re cheap), and aren’t very attractive (you don’t mind driving around something that resembles a tin can).

POS cars
Anything older than 15 years old – and that LOOKS older than 15 years – is a POS car (POS meaning “Piece of Shit”). These are those old Hondas and Toyotas and Buicks that you see still puttering around on the streets, rusting from the outside in and chewing away at those moth-eaten cheap material seats. These cars say one thing about you: YOU’RE BROKE.

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The Car Whisperer: What Your Car is Telling Us about You

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